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Returning home from work, a blonde is shocked to find her house burglarized.
She telephones the police, and a nearby K-9 unit is the first to respond. As the officer and dog approach the house, the woman storms out onto the porch and shouts, “I get robbed, I call the police for help, and they send me a blind cop?�
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Two blondes walk into a building.
You would figure one of them would have seen it.
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One day a guy dies and winds up in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I’m in hell!
Satan: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, beer, soft drinks, you name it! We drink till we throw up, and then we drink some more. And you don’t have to worry about hangovers because you’re dead anyway. Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer—no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow… that’s awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I do.
Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, and Kino. If you go bankrupt, you’re dead anyway. What about drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…
Satan: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack…or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you’re dead, who cares?!?!?!
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Guy: No…
Satan: Ooooh…You’re gonna HATE Fridays
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A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.� The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?� asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a cab driver, and the fare back to town is $25.�
